Day 5: 140 Characters of Pure Fun

What are some good one liners that can fit in one Tweet?

Motivation: Me likie the funny.  Man, back in the day when I wasn't inundated by responsibilities I would spend hours on Twitter and I thought it was my own personal stand-up routine platform.  So, I want to find a compiled list of one liners that would fit into a 140 character limit.

Answer: 

I started this with a google search per my norm, using the phrase "one liners that fit on twitter."  I was immediately greeted with several Twitter users that are themselves one liner Twitterererererers.  This included One Liners, Funny One Liners and Haha One Liners.  So I needed to check them out to see if they were actually funny and quality.  FOL was a let down.  I think I only found one of their Tweets out of the first pageful to be funny... that was "I went for a run but came back after 2 minutes because I forgot something. I forgot I'm out of shape and can't run for more than 2 minutes."  I retweeted it.

Haha One Liners was horrific, but through a retweet I did find a really funny Twitterererer by the name of That Creepy Guy.  Hysterical stuff there, folks!  Unfortunately he doesn't reciprocate following, therefore I hate him with a passion.  After that let down I didn't bother looking at the third one I mentioned.

So next I wanted to venture to a website and see if I could find a good one with one liners.    And Bazinga!  I found what I wanted.  It was called 130+ witty one liners and speaks to the FB/Twitter users who wanna say something witty in a short amount of characters.... bookmark created, goldmine established.

Here are a few of my faves that I have read so far:

• Always give 100% at work: 12% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 20% Thursday, 5% Friday
• I think that if I died and went straight to hell it would take me at least a week to realize I wasn’t at work anymore.
• Dear Monday: I want to break up. I am seeing Tuesday and dreaming about Friday. Sorry. It’s not me — it’s you.
• Some days you’re the dog , some days you’re the hydrant.
• I should’ve known it wasn’t going to work out between my ex-gf and me. After all, I’m a Pisces and she’s a bitch.
• I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.  (Heard this one before and it's a personal fave!)

Okay, that's enough... go look for yourself.

Rumination: I found what I wanted.  Of course I should have know that when it comes to humor and Twitter, the possibilities are endless.  But now I have to stop blogging so I can go Tweet some of these zingers!!!